Writing has never been my forte. I've always been more of a visual girl - expressing my ideas and emotions through photos and paintings, but things have changed and my blog has become a form of therapy for me. I have countless posts stored up that will probably never see the light of day, but when I wrote them emotions were running high and I just had to get whatever it was off my chest - even if it was destined to be seen by my eyes only. Maybe I'll release some of them in the future, but at the same time I don't want to bring you down or burden you with the twisted thoughts that come along with a mind clouded by mental illness. So, I thought I'd try something today and just let my emotions flow out onto the page in front of me, and see how it goes...

Falling in love is hard - emotions are running high, you're vulnerable and scared. Falling in love with someone who you'll never get to be with or even meet, however, may be the hardest thing of all. Let's just get this straight - I'm not saying 'never' because I don't think I'm pretty or funny enough - I'm saying never because this person lives half way across the world and we will never get the chance to meet face to face. It just isn't meant to be - but it still hurts. I feel heartbroken, which is completely illogical because there's no basis for it - it's a one-sided love. I haven't been rejected, but at the same time I haven't been accepted either. I spend nights obsessing over something that will never be, and because nothing has ever happened or ever will happen, it seems impossible to get over. I think this is the first time that I have ever felt like this - this enamoured with another human being, and that makes it all the more worse because there's literally nothing that I can do about it. 

To give this story a bit more context without giving too much away, I know this guy through the internet. He is fairly well known on a social media platform, and I am just one of his fangirls. You see my predicament. So how can I be in love with him? I honestly don't know, but I do see him  (through what he does) everyday, gotten to know him and I've chatted to him a few times, and I know that it doesn't sound like a lot but I feel like a giddy 13 year old school girl, and I haven't felt like that for a long time - if ever. You can understand why I said 'never' now can't you? But no matter how far-fetched or unrealistic it seems, I simply can't seem to let him go, and it's haunting me. It's distracting me from daily life - things aren't getting done when they need to because I can't clear my mind, I can't focus.

To be honest the whole thing is making me really quite sad, and I'm sick of it. I've got far too many other things to worry about at the moment so I really don't have time to be heartbroken by a one-sided love affair. If you've ever felt like this before, you'll know that I can't help it. I just don't know what to do...

Isobel x

4 comments

  1. I love this, so beautiful Isobel! Always here if you need to talk xx

    Kate xo // www.beautybabbles.com

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  2. Have you had that feeling when you know what you want to say but dont know how to put it down? Thats what im feeling right now. *sdljksfdlkhg* I'm here for you. X

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  3. Ah all the time - thanks Karii! x

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  4. Aw thank you Kate, you're the best!x

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